Labor Day Memes: College Football Edition

Let's kick this thing off right

WHO IS THAT ON ESPN?

First things first. So yesterday, my son, who is a freshman at Baylor University “ran the line” for the first time. And although this sounds like it either has something to do with cocaine or illegal street racing, it is actually neither. It’s when all the incoming freshmen at Baylor University dress up in yellow practice jerseys and run onto the football field in front of the football team to amp up the more than 45,000 fans in McClane Stadium.

McClane Stadium, as you know, was named after the heroic Baylor grad John McClane, who single-handedly foiled a terrorist attack on Nakotomi Plaza in 1988 using little more than his wits, some Christmas wrapping tape and a fire hose.

Wait…

I’m getting reports that it’s actually “McLean Stadium.”

This is disappointing because while I’m sure it’s named after a business magnate who sold his grocery distribution business to Walmart, it sure sounds like a terrible, low-fat menu option at McDonald’s. Regardless, here’s a screen grab of the telecast of the football game. If you look closely, you can see someone.

There he is! Looking confused because although the stadium was rocking, his team played like hot garbage and lost, despite being 25+ point favorites. Better luck next year, Baylor!

**By the way, Justus, this is NOT what I had in mind when I told you when you were five that I hoped to “see you on ESPN when you got to college.”

SOME….BODY ONCE TOLD ME

Speaking of football, I loved this story. Trenton High School, a school just outside Detroit, tried to solve a budgeting issue by selling the naming rights of its high school football stadium to a local Ford Dealership. This brought in money for the athletic department, and all the school had to do was allow Gorno Ford to put up some new signs on the stadium.

What could go wrong?

Well, proof-reading for one.

Though this made the school look bad, the superintendent insists the signage will be fixed post haste. And in the meantime, the team sharply and smartly owned it, telling opposing teams that missing “L” will soon be in their won-loss column.

SWEET SWEET FANTASY BABY

The start of the NFL season next weekend also means the start of Fantasy Football. This one reminds me of my good friend, Eric, who last year, lost to his wife in Fantasy Football.

Which is not terrible. But he also lost to his 15-year old son.

Also, not too bad. But he also lost to his 12-year old daughter, who doesn’t know anything about the NFL and picked players whose “uniforms looked cool.”

Time to wear this in shame, buddy.

BOB SOLO?

So this weekend was also my birthday weekend, and a friend sent me this, which is just glorious and horrifying at the exact same time.

I CAN DO WHAT I WANT

Speaking of aging, once you reach a certain age, you start to realize some things. For example, nobody can stop you from eating whatever you want for breakfast.

PRETTY SURE THAT’S FRAUD BUT OKAY

Speaking of making the rules when you get older…

ANSWERED PRAYER

I think the older you get, the more you see God at work in the small things of life. Still, maybe don’t grab the mic at the church prayer meeting Jonathan.

RODEO DRIVE

The older you get, the more they say you know. But for me, it’s more like “the more I realize I don’t know.” Seems like this person agrees.

This headline was an adventure…

An easy hack + an easy Dad joke, all in one.

SARCASTIC TEENAGE DAUGHTERS ARE THE BEST

School started in earnest this week, and last Thursday night, my daughter sent me a screenshot with this shirt at 11:01pm as she studied for a math quiz.

Teenage girls are tough to read sometimes.

This was not one of those times.

The shirt made me laugh, so I checked out their online store, and found these two other gems.

And this…

SAMUEL L. JACKSON. THE “L” STANDS FOR “LANGUAGE”

Okay, fair warning: these final two contain some strong language, or rather imply some strong language. But you’re adults.

And finally, before we get to the final joke, I saw this screengrab of a conversation from a former student of mine (shout out Jessica Kitterman) and it made me laugh.

Which brings me to my final joke. This back-and-forth from my son and his mother in which iPhone’s autocorrect accidentally changed one very simple verb (in this case “got”) into a very different, very colorful verb that Mr. Samuel L. Jackson would be proud of.

I won’t comment on the fact that my son has his mother listed in his phone as “Spawn Point” but I will say his response has made me laugh out loud each time I read it.

I miss him dearly, and seeing him on ESPN once a week just isn’t enough.

<sigh>